i avidly follow 2 roommates on youtube. they vlog. brittany and joey moved from small town Massachusetts to LA when they received and opportunity to start working towards living their dreams. i’ve always loved joey. one day i mentally caught myself in a scenario telling someone that he was my friend. i feel so much like him, like his taste in things and his personality. i strive to be like him. they’ve been in LA for a year now and on both of their channels i’m always seeing “how come you never hangout with brittany/ joey anymore?” you know, i’m curious too. they’ve never addressed it. they share an apartment, but you don’t see them together often. they haven’t blownout cause they still hangout.
i’ve actually never thought about it this way, but i’m just a fan. i only see what they show the world, i don’t know what’s going on in their heads, but i think they’re scared. they can’t help it but they’re growing in different directions. its what happens when you’re put in a new environment, you find new people to surround yourself with. joey is doing well. in my head i imagine myself living in LA with his circle of friends. not because ‘zomg its LA!’ but because they make me happy. yup, i see them behind the camera for maybe 10min a day and it makes me happy. i feel like that would be my niche, right there. perfect. brittany on the other hand seems to be left in the dust. not adapting as effortlessly as joey. you can see it. i went of each of their fb pages tonight. brittany 4k likes - joey 40k likes. boom. like grade 9. i stay with travis and steve, and erik blows up with his 40k likes. this is where i feel i can relate to brittany. i guess i have a thing for underdogs, but it almost hurts to see it happen. they’ve gotta see it happening, i saw it happen to me. seems like i’d always die trying to keep up the one sided effort, but with weight only on one side it falls over. but watching them from out here i feel so powerless. i bet you in 5 years, they’ll be just like me and steve. i love joey, but sometimes i get jealous, i wish i could adapt like him, like every person out there. brittany and i, we’re in the dust.
i want it, but not enough to make it happen. the good is never easy and the easy never good- marina knows where its at. i’ve tried the hard road, you know, the one with the greater reward. i don’t like it, i don’t like the road, or what i’d get in the end. i might like the money, but i wouldn’t have any if i couldn’t even make myself do the work. people think you have to work really hard in order to have a good life, to be happy. i guess by hard i mean the sciences, and that, imo, people don’t consider the arts hard. you have to be a lawyer, doctor, architect to be living well. i really am torn. money can make your life easier so you won’t have to worry about certain things. compsci is good money. i got behind and never caught up, i know that doesn’t make things fun, but like, i can tell i don’t like it anyway. is that valid or am i just being lazy? is this classified as ‘just giving up?’ you’ve gotta call me out on this if i’m wrong. if i liked it i’d have what it takes to keep up, to stay on par, to do it on my own, to seek new knowledge without it being required. i don’t feel this way at all.
i plan to write these things out, but they always turn out to be longer than i intend. to avoid a huge wall of text i’m going to split these. more pieces to follow.